**Edited to add the link to where you can buy the book. I was told "thanks for the publicity" by a mean woman, which I think is hilarious, since so few people read my little blog. Either way, if you do happen to read this please know that I should have linked to it in the first place, and for that I apologize.**
For some reason, I love to rant on Mondays. I have noticed this pattern, so instead of fighting it I am just going to go with it. If you do not enjoy reading my rants, that is fine. By tomorrow I will have a happy post for you and I promise I won't be offended if you skip my posts that are rants.
Lately, I have noticed a disturbing trend in the wonderful world of mommy blogs. This would be the trend of bashing your family and children and trying to disguise it under the title of being "funny and honest". For instance, a new book just came out entitled "I Just Want To Pee Alone", a compilation of blogger essays from women who like to complain about their kids. One of them actually uses the tagline "Making my kids hate me one post at a time". It seems that many mommy bloggers feel that they have to berate their children, swear, and try to be funny at the expense of their families in order to stay relevant. And it is sad. I am not sure when it became cool and popular to gain followers by repeatedly stating how annoying/messy/obnoxious your kids and husband are, but I think it is a sad reflection of mothers in this country. Although to their credit, most of these bloggers do throw in the occasional heartfelt blog post in order to make themselves feel like a good mom once in a while.
I get it, parenting is hard. It is often a messy, poopy, vomit filled world where you feel like you will never get a break. It is often an amusing experiment in ineptitude, be it on your part or the part of your family. I get it that when we get sick, we still have to do our job. I know what it feels like to have a child vomit on your lap and still hug him to make him feel better before you can clean yourself up. I get it. IT'S CALLED BEING A MOTHER, AND NO, YOU DO NOT GET AN AWARD. This is your job. Get it? I often say that children will suck the life out of you and leave you for dead, but in an oddly fulfilling way. That is the truth.
Instead of dedicating so much energy to finding the bad things that happened in your day and whining about them in a blog post, look for the happy. I wonder if these women actually seek out the disasters just so they have something that they consider funny to write about. After all, if you base your blog on writing about the crazy things that happen in life while raising children with a mean slant, I can only assume that you are actively seeking content.
My main issue with this is how the children of these women feel. I know most of them would respond with something along the lines of how much they love their children and that they are great moms who just try to find the humor in everyday life. We all relate to those sticky situations, so why not write about it? But there is a fine line between being witty and telling funny stories and being cruel.
How are your children going to feel if they grow up and read non-stop stories of how annoying they are and how tired you are of taking care of them? How would you feel if your mother had written such things about you? How does it make your husband feel that you bash him on a public forum?
And lastly, how would you feel if your child passed away and when you looked back at your blog, instead of being a treasured journal of the (sometimes sticky) memories of your children, it was filled with your rants about how annoying they are and what an inconvenience they are to you? I'm willing to bet you would wish that you had gone back and inserted a few more posts of the fun times.
That's my rant for today, thanks for reading.
"I often say that children will suck the life out of you and leave you for dead, but in an oddly fulfilling way. That is the truth."
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine that you've read all the essays, as many of them speak to the feeling you've captured in that quote of yours above. Many are amusing anecdotes about surviving a child's first bout of constipation (no baby bashing here), whether or not to get a vasectomy (no baby bashing there), how Disney can be a crazy place to navigate, how we moms need to stop judging each other based on the number of kids we have, how we sometimes bond and find humor even in face of a parent's death . . . in fact, I'm thinking you didn't read the book. I'd be interested to see if you feel the same way after reading it.
Note, too, that at least one of the contributors has, in fact, buried a child.
Toulouse and Tonic, the writer with the tagline "Making my kids hate me one post at a time," doesn't say "hating my children one post at a time." A subtle difference that I think means, "I'm being the mom, and my kids don't always like it, but I'm writing about our experiences so that we all know how hard, rewarding, and silly it all was long after we've forgotten."
In fact, if you read her blog, you'll see a lot of very sweet posts celebrating the life of her boys, especially her youngest, who was born very early and spent his first year with a feeding tube. There's a ridiculously heart-warming series of pictures of that same boy devouring a cake on his first birthday.
You might see that she is, in fact, a good mom. And a humor writer. It's possible to be both. At least, I hope so, or I'm in BIG trouble.
Hope you find your blogging tribe. We all benefit from finding like-minded, supportive writers who share our thoughts and opinions.
Thanks for posting about the book at any rate!
Thank you for responding! I appreciate you taking the time, and you are indeed correct, I have not read the book. My point was more about the actual blogs. I am sure that many of them have great stories that are enjoyable to read and relate to.
DeleteI read and/or follow many of these bloggers on facebook, and I am not sure what blogs you are reading because while they find humor in every day, mundane things, they never say that they do not like being a parent.They do however, dislike women like you who look down on them for not painting a pretty picture for everyone through rose colored glasses. The quote in your blog, "I often say that children will suck the life out of you and leave you for dead, but in an oddly fulfilling way. That is the truth." is far more offensive in my mind than anything I have read on any of the blogs I read.
DeleteI think you may be on the wrong blog, I have never painted a pretty picture of my life. I write about real life, just not in a cruel way. But thanks for reading!
DeleteI am actually in this book as well. I don't hate my children one bit and I know the other women don't either. My essay has no swearing at all and I am just telling funny stories from our moving experience. All of the stories are different, so please don't paint them with a broad brush. Nicole up there writes a very encouraging post for all mothers in the book, actually. There are lots of humor types in the book. Please don't imply it's the "we hate our kids book". Not fair.
ReplyDeleteI just worry about the overall tone of some of the writers. I don't think any of you are bad mothers, I just wish that I could find more blogs that are positive while being humorous. Thanks for reading!
DeleteAnd by the way, your blog is adorable!
DeleteI do. I hate my children. They're like the devil's spawn. In fact, one of them just came in here and interrupted me so now I can't finish writing my response to you.
ReplyDeleteI've actually spotted a more disturbing trend in mommy blogging: this retro bullshit 1950s housewife crap where women dream of the perfect pot roast and freshly baked homemade bread and shudder at the thought of giving good head.
ReplyDeleteHa! You made me laugh. If anybody actually has that life I hope they give me some tips.
DeleteGOOD HEAD?! LMAO!
DeleteHi Meredith. I am not in the book, but I am reading it and appreciating it. You see, I used to think as you do. When my husband and I were struggling with infertility, I hated when people would bitch about their children. I would think, "At least you have children, be greatful. I will take your kids if you don't want them." Four kids in five years later, I was really drowning, and I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Then, my five year old son was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I found I had to reach out. Six months after he died, I started my blog, and it has been a godsend to connect with other moms who make me feel normal. I wish I could say every single day I appreciate my children because I know all too well that life can change in the course of a morning's ambulance ride to the hospital, but the truth is - I have four boys. They fight, they have potty mouths, they tell us no. Yes, parenting is a hard job! And it helps to talk about it and laugh about it with other parents who understand. I don't think anyone is throwing in a sentimental post to make themselves look good anymore than they are asking for an award. Anyone who is intelligent enough to start a blog is also intelligent enough to know that the good couldn't exist without the bad. For every potty word my boys say, they tell me how great of a mom I am or tell each other they love them. I'm sorry that this book makes you mad or feel bad, but I guess that's the great thing about having your own blog - you get to write whatever you want. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I, too have lost a child and experienced many of the same feelings.
DeleteI am not in the book. But I blog about my family in an honest, sometimes humorous way. These moms don't judge. They don't whine. They find an outlet to laugh. YOU are judging. YOU are making moms feel inadequate. My guess is you didn't read it. Or you skimmed it looking for blurbs that support your prejudice. I'm positive (most of the time). I don't swear (often). I gave this book a rave review on my blog. I would give my eye teeth to be in this club of honest, real, authentic, amazing moms for ONE DAY.
ReplyDeleteWe all get an opinion. You have a place to share yours. I just hope you realize your house is glass before you throw anything
I was indeed judging these blogs. Although I do not think that I have made anyone feel inadequate. If I did, then I apologize, since as moms we often feel inadequate enough on our own without needing any help from others!
DeleteYou know what? Parenthood is rough. My baby is cutting molars right now, and she's kind of an a hole. Am I going to say that to her face? No. Will she see it on the internet now that I have said it? No she's too young to be on the Internet. I ama stay at home mom and a huge fan of these mommy bloggers you speak of. The reason that I am such a big fan? Their brutal honesty and how well I can relate to their stories. I have never seen any of these moms bash their kids or families. I have seen these moms stick up for their families to trolls like you. I'm human. I have three kids. my husband often acts as my fourth child. I'm not scared to admit it. We don't live in a Leave It To Beaver Stepford world anymore. Quite frankly, I find this blog to be more hurtful than anything they've ever written. This is one big pile of judgement. There is a reason they have 100k+ followers and book deals. Do you?
ReplyDeleteI don't blog to make money, so I am not sure what your point is, but thank you for sharing!
DeleteI'm not sure where exactly you pulled anything about making $ from what I just said. Let me lay it out for you. This blog is judgey, rude, and you should be ashamed of yourself. There is a reason these moms are doing well, $ or not, people, like myself identify with them. You obviously don't really follow these ladies, or you would know that 90% of their blogs are about everything BUT complaining. Women shouldn't put other women down. Sorry.
DeleteSo then what exactly are you doing?
DeleteCorrecting you. You seem to have met nothing but disagreement with this post, and rightly so. You've called these ladies bad mothers for simply following a dream and putting their feelings down on paper, or in their blogs. Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps media is an outlet for their feelings, so they are not put across verbally? You know, when my mom was a SAHM, she kept a journal. I have a lot of favorite books, but THAT is my favorite. What is it full of? Things like "Mary peed in the kitchen floor again today and Picasso'ed the wall with poop. Sometimes I hate this kid". Why is it my favorite? Because it allows me to see my childhood again. Good and bad. I can't go back in time, but j sure can crack it open and read. It has also helped me as a mom to know, hey I'm not crazy for wanting to strangle my kids and hug them the next second. I see my daughters do things my mother vented about in that book and I realize maybe they are normal. The things these ladies write, we identify with. We live in a community where mothers support mothers and it helps to know someone else is going through the same crap you are. You don't have to be a fan, but I think you owe all 37 of them an apology. I'm sure all 600,000 of us following them would say the same. And by the way it is being a mother and YES it deserves an award. If you're a mom YOU DESERVE an award.
Deleteoh shut up mary. Buy a sketch book if you want to express yourself. You go online to get clicks and views and attention and use your children as a vehicle to make money off advertising. You are all secretly holding out for book deals. Why don't you get a teaching certification and get in the classroom if you really want to touch people. Millions of women have been getting knocked up and raising kids for millions of years. Should cows and goats and ducks get blogs. Cause like....their job is hard too. Raising polar bear cubs on a glacier is hard, ya'll.
DeleteYou just called your baby an a@#hole on the internet. One day she will be old enough to use the internet that's the whole point. You are a bitch. Please drop that poor baby off at a fire station. It's so hard whaaaaaah...You sound like you have a shitty pointless life Mary. You just insulted your family in the same way that she is describing. Birthing babies is your job if you are a housewife. Deal with it. He pays to keep you alive that's what you signed up for.
DeleteAfter years of infertility, we were blessed with 3 children in a span of 45 months. My life since then has been an ebb and flow of bliss and insanity. These blogs that you label as having a "mean slant" or "cruel" help to bring laughter and camaraderie to people like me who love their children with every fiber of their being AND at times feel like locking themselves in the closet while eating a box of Girl Scout cookies because being a mom is much like having a job as an NFL referee while herding cats. Being able to find humor in the daily catastrophes of motherhood/life and having an outlet to express frustration is healthy. It allows both the bloggers and readers a chance to get it off their chest and go back to their lives unburdened and knowing that there are others in the trenches sharing their experiences. We are all moms, trying to do the best by our kids. Much like the Mommy Wars of the 80's and 90's between housewives and those who work outside of the home, we have all just chosen different ways to do it.
ReplyDeleteSo true! I have been a working mom and a stay at home mom, and I know just how hard both are. I just don't agree with complaining about every little thing on the internet. It's just life.
DeleteI find it interesting that you take issue with moms for what, in your opinion, is bashing their spouses and kids in a public forum, yet you have no problem bashing these women in your own post.
ReplyDeleteYou don't agree with "complaining about every little thing on the internet", yet you're complaining about something on the internet
You state "I often say that children will suck the life out of you and leave you for dead, but in an oddly fulfilling way. That is the truth." Huh. You say this often, but anyone else voicing a similar opinion should suck it up and not talk about their parenting realities which are sometimes difficult and frustrating, and instead should focus on making happy posts?
Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?
Whether it's a book or a blog, writing something in a public forum is an invitation to other people's opinions. Just like you are entitled to your opinion of these bloggers and have every right to post your thoughts on them and how they blog/write, you might want to remember 1)that street goes both ways, and 2)what is right in your mind doesn't mean it's right for everyone else.
I'm not even going to get into your comments about making posts to stay "relevant", your suggestion that these mom's "throw in the occasional heartfelt blog post in order to make themselves feel like a good mom once in a while" or having the audacity to ask how these moms would feel if one of their children passed away (btw, one of the contributors has lost a child, which in my opinion, makes your admonishment extra heinous). That was just low.
Glass houses. You might want to wrap yours in bubble wrap before you throw stones
Amen.
DeleteComplaining about idiotic women who deserve to have a reality check is totally different than complaining about the person you are married to and have children with to the whole world. One is a cluster of delusional bitches and the other is the family you are supposed to protect. Get over yourselves. You have been found out as the bitches you are. Put down your computer and buy a diary or scrapbook instead to chronicle your family. Something you can pass on instead of trying to make yourselves reality stars on the internet.
DeleteYou are right, I do like to rant occasionally. When I said complain about everything, it was in reference to family matters. As I stated, there is a difference between telling funny stories and being mean about your family. I know the street goes both ways, and this has been made all too clear by some of the names I have been called on FB and Twitter.
ReplyDeleteIf you actually read any of my previous posts, you would know that the last place I live in is in a glass house. You would also know that having lost a child myself, I would never use that as an excuse to be mean. Thanks for reading!
Let's clear something up right now before anyone brings up the loss of a child as a bargaining chip in the comments section. I have lost a child. That is why I mentioned what it would feel like if your child passed away.
ReplyDeleteComments are welcomed on this blog; however, if any commenter tries to use the loss of a child as a bargaining chip that comment will be removed. This will be done in order to protect those who have suffered this loss.
Oh my goodness this is so true! I hate it when moms do that!I love your rants. I love this blog and will be following you from here on out.
ReplyDelete:)
Thanks!!
DeleteAlso No one is forced to read what you write. I don't believe that your trying to bash moms for what they have to say, you have a bone to pick and you picked it. Everyone has a opinion and not everyone will agree. I make fun of my husband and child, but I do so privately and am very careful about what I post. Making a joke out of your family is not always tasteful.
ReplyDeleteMommy blogs are disgusting. I was a teacher and a nanny. Most women are inept, smug, bitches with no experience regarding children before having children...yet you want to give the world tips on parenting. Teachers are the ones who should have parenting blogs!!!! Cause we have to deal with you all dropping the ball. Seriously. Put an online audience into the equation I can't imagine what this next generation of children will be like. Their entire lives will be chronicled online. They will have entered the world literally thinking it revolves around them. They have been born into that bubble on the Truman Show. They were born and raised to applause. They will start 5th grade with their poop stories online. Future employers will see images of their birth. But hey...if this is normal...not that big of a deal...everyone is doing it....who am I to complain. Mommy bloggers are the reason I hesitate bringing children into this world. The thought of sharing pta meetings and birthday parties and play dates with such selfish, lemming bitches makes me never want to be a mom. And they say childless people are selfish!!! Way to deflect.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with you to a point - and I don't think childless people are selfish, I think they had the brains to seriously consider whether or not they actually wanted children before having them and being bad parents. I think that should be applauded.
DeleteI know this is a bit late, but I found your blog through a random google search. Don't let all these upset mums offend you. They post on their blogs about whatever and are opinionated and no one cares, but then as soon as one person disagrees they bite back. That's the fun thing about the internet, though, it's public and people are free to their opinions. You took all their criticism and rudeness politely and they couldn't act the same way..
ReplyDeleteThank you!!
DeleteI am glad I am not the only one who is disturbed by this trend. While I am not a perfect mother (nor do I even try to be!), and while I do enjoy a good laugh during the crazy and chaotic days of raising small children, this new trend has taken a crass turn that isn't funny anymore...it's tasteless.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely.
Delete